Archive by Author | Evil Wordsmith

NFL Week 3

Evil’s Week 3 Preview

Picked another 12 games last week. I had one perfect game, I called the score exactly in the Panthers Buffalo game. Sadly, I’m a Panthers fan. Amazingly I got the bets both right in Kansas City. After remarking how Kansas City seems to be playing better, my Queen informed me that they have a new coach: Andy Reid. Well duh I guess. One day I’ll have time to watch news, when that happens I’ll take up watching college football.

I picked little brother to take his Giants over Denver. The computer doesn’t understand how it is to be the oldest brother. I do. I think that Peyton should have tousled Eli’s hair at the end of the game and said, “Better luck next time.”

This week, there’s one good bet. Cringe if you lay money down on this. Continue reading →

NFL Week 2

Sep15

Evil’s Week 2 Picks

I picked 12 of the games last week, 75% is not bad. So I guess I shouldn’t complain. Oh but I am going to complain. Let’s start with Baltimore. Yeah I picked Denver to beat them. But I picked them to cover the 7.5 point spread, unfortunately it appears that their D never made it back from the Superbowl.

Up until the Miami game, I was at 100%. Of course it’s Miami and Cleveland, hard to tell which loser will lose the most. I guess it was Cleveland’s turn.

Despite the good numbers on raw picks, I managed to start the year down 10% on gambling, not that I would have put real money on any of the bets last week. Continue reading →

NFL Week 1

Sep8

2013-14 Season Week 1

Meh. Sadly all the team fanboys are all still broke from 2008 so there are no good bets to take, nothing but safe sane money in Vegas. There appears to be one scheduled ass whoopin by Indy over Oakland.

My computer is predicting one we’ll be watching, Pittsburgh over Tennessee by 8 points. Hope I’m wrong there.

My take: Continue reading →

How the Draft Deals with NSA Leaks or That’s TMI

Aug25

You are President Jones. You are here in the Jungle Room (codename for the Oval Office, thanks again President Bill) with the Wizard of Oz (codename for your new Director of National Intelligence) who you have called in to speak with you. You are here because you have been redrafted by the people for another term. This is why you have dedicated this term to getting even with them.

As you watched Brick House (codename for your secretary) pour you and Oz a couple of drinks, you realize that there are only ever two reasons you call someone to speak with you: either to yell at them or to solve a problem caused by someone you want to yell at. This meeting is one of the former. Continue reading →

An Anti-Rant About Toro Products

Jul16

Okay time for Toro product anti-rant.

I have a Toro string trimmer. I wanted the instructions for it but apparently they haven’t ever been scanned. Knowing exactly which buried box the manual was in, I decided instead to attempt to find one online.

I searched Toro and the model number on my favorite search engine.

First link up is the page for that trimmer on Toro‘s own website. I expected that would have a bunch of specs and that finding a manual would take a fair bit more searching elsewhere.

I was pleasantly surprised that on the page with the specs is a link to the PDF of the manual. Right there, on the manufacturer’s website.

I promise the next time I need a power garden tool it will be made by Toro if at all possible.

School’s Out For Teacher

Jun19

Mission Code Name: Final All Hands Debriefing

The Prince left 4th Grade behind today for the last time. Which meant he simply had to see his great 3rd Grade teacher one more time before he left for Early Dismissal. As we were walking back up off the 3rd Grade hall they called the bus riders out and a cheer went up throughout the school as all the kids rushed for the buses. It occurred to me that the teachers were cheering too and I had an epiphany. I know what happens after the last bus pulls away at 1pm.

It goes like this:

As the bus clears the stop sign at the parking lot edge the intercom comes on. It’s the CO, codenamed Principal, “This is the Principal. All hands! Set condition One Sierra Ohio throughout the School. Lock down all ports and rig for ultra party!.”

Teachers rush back into the building to their party stations. Exterior doors are sealed and locked, codes changed for security. Designated crews sweep the halls clearing them, the classrooms and closets to make sure that no kids remain. Continue reading →

Happy Birthday to the Queen!

May31

I hope this works, it’s supposed to be animated. It’s fireworks… duh.

E.W.

I want to find and beat the person who first used the phrase: It’ll just take five minutes.

The 2013 Grizzly Games

May10

Games and Aspirin!

If you’re Scottish, don’t get too excited at the title. It’s an elementary school thing. Their mascot is a grizzly bear. There is no bloodshed in the Grizzly Games. Well almost none, turns out the top of a two liter soda bottle is pretty hard if it hits you in the eye after being nailed by a 2nd grader with a Frisbee.

I volunteered for this today. Which, in this case, meant that I was working the Frisbee toss. Kids lined up to chuck foam Frisbees at a two liter soda bottle standing on top of a long PVC pole. And thanks to the weather for the last few days, instead of only one grade, all of them came out. All nine hundred kids, all day long.

Speaking of weather, it definitely cooperated. It’s been cold here since the end of February. But not today. No, today it’s pushing 90. My bald spot took so much radiation today, that I may have superpowers now. I know that, like the rest of my old body, it super hurts.

And speaking of pain. My brain had an interesting internal conversation with some muscle groups in my shoulders. It went like this: Continue reading →

First Time in the Tardis

Apr9

The Tardis I’m a big fan of Doctor Who, ever since the 80’s. I watched every episode that Tom Baker did, I must say I miss K-9. The other night while watching the latest one on BBC America (shut up you Brits out there, no spoilers!), his new companion was asked, “Where do you want to go?”

The Queen paused the TV and put that question to me. Her answer was to go see Saturn’s rings up close. And the Prince had the same idea and to go to Titan. It would be pretty interesting to see a hydrocarbon lake.

Here is my idea. I would like to go to Earth, a thousand or two years in the future. I would like to find out what information that all of us collectively know now that is so wrong that in a thousand years it will be laughable. Consider this: it was a simple fact two thousand years ago that the sky was a bowl shaped cover over the world and that the sun was a hole in it through which the heavens shined down. A thousand years ago the Earth was flat and it was well known that anyone going to the edge could fall off.

To everyone of the time, these were simply facts, known to be true and without doubt. I am positive that there are things that we commonly know now that in another thousand years will be just like those other facts: so wrong that even school children will be awed that anyone would have even thought it.

E.W.

The little head says that number two on the Tardis itinerary would be a trip to meet Caligula, cause he knew how to party.

Kepler 47 from Space.com

What I said was:

It may sound trivial, but I want to see the rings of Saturn up close. Then I want to visit a planet that has 2 suns and watch the sun rise.

~ The Queen

The 2013 Russian Meteor & Nascar

Feb16

Kids Are Funny:
Tiny Asteroid Commentary Through The Eyes Of A Kid

If you hadn’t heard, a large meteor streaked through the sky over Russia on February 15th, 2013. The fireball was seen above Russia’s Urals region Friday morning before it exploded with a flash and boom that shattered glass in buildings and left about 1,000 people hurt, authorities said.

From CNN: Described by NASA as a “tiny asteroid,” the meteor’s explosion created a blast in central Russia equivalent to 300,000 tons of TNT, the space agency’s officials said Friday, adding that the incident was a once-in-100-years event.

We watched the video on the news and of course there were many of those to see. When we heard people were injured, we of course were concerned and we hope everyone will be ok. By the end of the day, the big concern for serious injury was seemingly over, as reported by the news. Thank goodness.

More video had come in and of course we were watching those.

Our little Prince watches the news of the meteor coming down and says:
“Was Montoya visiting Russia?”

A true Nascar fan!

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