Archive by Author | Evil Wordsmith

Professor Da Boot’s Rules For Booting Drivers

Professor Da Boot – Joey Logano

When The Bump and Run Works

Since we lost Earnhardt Senior, there has been more or less a gentleman’s agreement between NASCAR drivers about the rules of civilized racing. Lately, however, there is one driver who seems to be gaming those rules. He seems to have his own set of rules on booting that driver out of his way. That driver is Joey Logano.

So in that spirit I have drafted the unsaid rules for his class in Booting Drivers:

1. I do not need to look, I know they are flipping me off.
2. Never admit that you wrecked the car in front of you.
3. Never admit that you made contact with the car in front of you.
4. Never acknowledge that you noticed the wreck at all.
5. Do not apologize for the wreck, even after you’ve seen the video.
6. Do not be involved in the wreck. It is bump AND run, run being the important part.
7. If he had the faster car, then he couldn’t have been bumped. Q.E.D.
8. If he wants to chat with you in the infield, stay in your car.
9. If you are already out of your car when he comes to chat, keep your helmet on.
10. Never go anywhere without your Dad.
11. If the news guy asks if you are a genius, the answer is “Yes.”
12. If the air can make you wreck, there was really no way you were going to be able to deal with me.
13. When you are not admitting fault for the wreck you didn’t see, always mention your sponsors.
14. If it ain’t broke, fixing it makes it your fault when it don’t work.
15. Yes, I blocked you.
16. If you’re complaining about me blocking you, then it obviously worked.

E.W.

I”m positive that I don’t have all the rules enumerated here. I think I need to go watch some old races with Senior in them.

Fuck I hate Monday.

Feb10

Today Is Monday, It’s Always Monday, From Part II to V

The hard drive in my laptop is dying. So I turned it on at 6:30. It booted probably moments after I left to take the kid to school at 8:00. But… I figured no problem, I have finished the upgrade on my other machine, I’ll just get my mail there. The upgrade installed Gnome 3.8, from the 2.x versions. It comes up with an essentially blank screen. S l o w l y comes up.

It’s not blank, it has what looks like a curtain. I actually waited figuring the curtain might open theatrically and show me a desktop. It didn’t. Except for the clock there are exactly two things you can click on, one is something called “Activities” and the other is my user name. I clicked on “Activities” and fully 10 seconds tick by before it shows me a line of about a half dozen BIG ass icons. Exactly two of these are identifiable, Firefox and the file-cabinet icon of Nautilus. I never use Nautilus, if I want to play around with files, I use a terminal. I have discovered that, with the right tools (Windows doesn’t have them…), it is easier and more efficient to work with files by using all ten fingers than it is to use one finger and a wrist. Continue reading →

Superbowl

Feb2

Evil’s Analysis and Picks

I got 100% of the picks last week. All both of them. Despite that I managed to get 1 out of 4 of the bets. Since when is it a bad bet that New England will cover a spread?

Superbowl still looks the same, Seattle will beat Denver by less than a point. Should be a good game. Unless you’re stupid and put money on it.

My take:

		Denver	Seattle	Favorite	Line	O/U
Denver	Seattle	21	21	Seattle	0	46

Vegas this week:

Favorite	Line	O/U	Bet	O/U
Denver	2.5	48	Seattle	Under

E.W.

If you take a really good pair of binoculars and stand at any window in the White House, House or Senate buildings, and look very carefully, studying thoroughly what you see, you still won’t have the slightest idea of what the State of the Union is. I’m pretty sure this is exactly how they do it though.

NFL Conference

Jan19

Evil’s Playoff Picks and Analysis

Had a great week last week, nailed half of the games. Of course, no good deed goes unpunished, so the one of the games I nailed saw my favorite team go home for the season.

I got 100% of the picks despite the Indianapolis D doing their dead level best to give me a true failure. Wonder if they got to see the end of that game when they got home.

Superbowl still looks pretty much the same, Seattle will still eek a win by Denver. Maybe a little bit closer of an eek there.

My take: Continue reading →

NFL Divisional

Jan11

Evil’s Analysis for the Divisional Playoffs

Well the Wildcards sucked. At least the games were great. Well, except Cincinnati…

Clearly I was wrong about practicing your team in a blast freezer so they can be prepared for the cold. New advice: Keep your team warm and cozy right up till game time, if they get cold before the game, they will probably lose.

All I got for the Wildcards was a true failure. It was handed to me by my second most favorite team of all time, Green Bay. Maybe they were trying to save me from the agony of deciding whether to root for the Panthers or them. I need a new cheese head hat, more of a full helmet affair, with eye holes so I can become the unknown cheese head. Continue reading →

NFL Wildcards

Jan4

Evil’s Analysis and Picks

Week 17 was fantastic, got 11 games and best of all one of the games I got wrong was Dallas not going to the playoffs. Well they could be I suppose, they’re wealthy guys, I bet they can all afford tickets and air fare.

I nailed the Pittsburgh, New Orleans and New England games

In the true failure category Green Bay is going to the playoffs but I still count that a win.

Computer says that Seattle will still eek a win by Denver in the Superbowl. Should be a great game.

My take:

Away	Home	Away	Home	Favorite	Line	O/U
San Diego	Cincinnati	21	25	Cincinnati	4	46
Kansas City	Indianapolis	19	21	Indianapolis	2	40
New Orleans	Philadelphia	23	24	Philadelphia	2	47
San Francisco	Green Bay	22	24	Green Bay	1	46

Vegas this week:

Favorite	Line	O/U	Bet	O/U
Cincinnati	7	46.5	San Diego	Under
Kansas City	1.5	47.5	Indianapolis	Under
Philadelphia	3	54.5	New Orleans	Under
San Francisco	2.5	46	Green Bay	Over

E.W.

I only have five minutes to post this, so imagine I said something witty as if I had hours to think of it.

Orb

Dec30

And a Unicorn Pirate:

On Dec. 30th 2013, the The Ænigma Project broadcast a show about Ghost Pictures. Good show. But we got a little silly in the chat room talking about pictures with orbs. Most people think they’re ghosts, when really they’re nothing but dust reflecting light. This was my response to reflecting orbs.

NFL Week 17

Dec29

Evil’s Analysis and Picks

Week 16 only sucked slightly less than week 15. I got 8 picks. I forgot to mention last week that there was a good bet. You’re all welcome. It would appear that the 10 point spread was somewhat optimistic for Houston.

I nailed one game, Tennessee and Jacksonville, meh.

On the plus side I only had one true failure. I don’t know what Chicago did to piss off Philly but that beat down was pretty mean. Dallas should be terrified by this. Philly did that outdoors, in the wind and cold. If I was Dallas I’d get some big fans and snow blowers and set the AC in the stadium to 20 degrees. Of course if I was Dallas, Romo would be playing and Bryant would be looking for a new contract. Continue reading →

NFL Week 16

Dec22

Evil’s Analysis and Picks

I guess my run of good luck is over. Only 7 picks right last week. And I failed to nail even one game of those.

So, let’s talk about the true failures category. Neither Arizona or Tennessee brought a D squad. Well maybe Arizona brought one guy. I nailed Seattle’s score in that game. Unfortunately for me, the Giants weren’t there to see it. And I’ve said it before, never bet on a B team, you can never tell when they will show up. Buffalo showed up. I think they had 44 men on the field.

This week New England is back out of the Superbowl. Seattle with a 15-1 record will win over Denver.

My take: Continue reading →

NFL Week 15

Dec15

Evil’s Picks and Analysis

Week 14 was even better to me than week 13, I got 12 picks.

I nailed the New England game. Not that it was hard to pick Brady to win, but picking Cleveland to cover the spread was dicey. The covered it 9 points better than I planned, which didn’t hurt an over bet at all.

I also nailed the Jets game, only both teams scored even more than I figured. Good thing I took the over bet there.

In the true failures category, I favored Houston by 7 and Jacksonville showed up with a football team to win by 7. In Washington, KC showed up with two teams which evened out the game since DC forgot to bring a team. In Pittsburgh, Miami brought some tin snips for Pittsburgh’s tin foil curtain. In Denver, Tennessee’s defense only made it half a mile high, someone should send out a rescue squad and see if they can find them. And one day I’m going to study the Giants and see if I can figure out why suddenly this year they can’t play. I have a bad feeling they met Alice from Wonderland and drank the shrinking potion. Continue reading →